Important Events of the 80s

•In 1080 The idea of the magnetic compass is born in China.

•In 1180 Alexius II Comnenus becomes Byzantine Emperor.

•In 1280 Construction on the northern section of the Grand Canal of China is begun.

•In 1380 Sir William Walworth, a member of the Fishmongers Guild, becomes Lord Mayor of London for the second time.

•In 1480 Consorts and co-rulers Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella of Castile initiate the Spanish Inquisition.

•In 1580 Sir Francis Drake circumnavigated the globe.

•In 1680 Pueblo Indians capture Santa Fe (New Mexico) from the Spanish.

•In 1780 American Revolutionary War – Battle of Camden: The British defeat the Americans near Camden, South Carolina.

•In 1880 Wabash, Indiana becomes the first electrically lighted city in the world.

•In 1980 Pac-Man (the best-selling arcade game of all time) is released.

San Francisco Moments 5 (x3)

These were all very short. If I had a camera I would have just taken pictures but I’m too to shy get in peoples faces with the camera. Maybe when I learn to shut of the noisy camera snapping sound from my Blackberry I can take them discretely.

1) On Super bowl Sunday I was walking on a side street downtown when I saw two clean cut young men, one pale white and one dark Hispanic who were the exact same height, with the exact same haircut and with the identical backpacks worn on their front each with an identical grey furred puppy sticking its head out the top.

2) On a street corner a standard brown haired women in a dark blue business suit was having a perfectly mundane conversation with a tall young man wearing baggy jeans with suspenders. His hair was bald except for short pentagonal orange tufts that made his head into a soccer ball pattern.

3) In front of me in the elevator today stood a six foot two woman with long magenta hair dressed all in black and sporting a large purse that included a big flap with a 5 by 5 grid of 3 inch long black rubber spikes. Standing next to her was a short Filipino woman and as the elevator became more crowed she was pushed closer and closer toward the rubber spikes and she clearly didn’t want to touch them.

80’s Memory 1: Remote Control

Whenever people trash Adam Sandler I always feel compelled to defend him. It’s like what ever pop-culture tribe I consider myself part of, Adam was one of us. I always end up like a broke record saying: “He’s been cracking me up ever since he was on Remote Control.” I’ve recently realized that just remembering Remote Control gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. I’ve also recently realized that I remember less and less about the show to the point where all that is left is just the warm and fuzzy. As with most things that I barely remember, now I can go to the Youtubes for a refresher but before I did that, I wrote down everything I could remember.

Remote Control was both a game show and a party. My memories of watching the show all seem to be on a couch with lots of friends cheering every time something fun would happen. First thing I remember of course, is Adam Sandler playing “The Stud Boy.” If the contestant got “The Stud Boy” category, then Adam would come out in something like a Leopard Spotted Hefner Robe and talk about a romantic conquest with a famous woman and we would have to guess who she was. The next thing I remember is everyone on the couch throwing up our arms and cheering when someone selected the “Sing Along With Colin” category. Colin Quin would sing half assed and out of tune some pop song and the contestant would have to finish the song. If they didn’t actually sing the host would yell at them and make them. Of course I remember Kari but I’m not sure what she did, I guess she was in the Vanna role, what I do remember is every guy I knew had a crush on her. I think many of the categories were great quirky fun, like when the host (can’t remember who he was) would name someone and the contestant had to determine whether they were “Dead or Canadian.”

After Watching an episode on the Youtubes

Wow it really was a party. The contestants sat on comfy lounger chairs and got snacks and one of the most fun things about the show I forgot, at the halfway point, the lowest scoring contestant’s chair would get pulled back into a hole in the set with a horror movie chick screaming sound effect while the audience widly sang “Hit the Road Jack.” I want to do that to people. Instead of having a trap door button I wanna a Remote Control Lowest scoring contestant eject button. I also want someone to open a café/bar thing that is just like the set of remote control and names can get pulled out of a hat for the contestants that day. So some non-lazy person please get to work and let me know when it opens. Maybe Disney will put it on the “It’s an 80s world ride.”

San Francisco Moment 4

I had to do some skillful one handed maneuvering to get my fastpass out of my wallet while holding on to my two dark pink roses for A. Out the gate and up the long escalator ride to 24th street, I noticed that bright shiny Venus had moved in recent weeks from over the left shoulder of the escalator riders in front of me to over their heads. I switched to auto pilot when I got onto the bus my only goal being to keep the roses safe. As the bus got close to the hill I looked up to notice a teen couple standing by the door. The boy was a six foot pink cheeked brown haired white boy wearing a slightly tattered grey hoodie and the bracelet on one of his wrists was made from a bicycle chain. The girl came up to the boy’s chest and was a wholesome looking ABC wearing a black hoodie, a frilly black skirt fanning out and black stockings peppered with a scull and crossbones pattern. They were focused on each other but seemed to be contemplating something; perhaps their next move. Then the bus lights cut out. Now backlit from the glass bus door the girl was a silhouette with cat ears that I hadn’t noticed before. The lights came back on and I faced forward. The bus moved a few feet and the lights went off again. This time everything in the bus was silhouette but the light from the window behind me managed to come in at the right angle to light up the just the roses.

San Francisco Moment 3

On a Bart train, the seats facing the doors, black wool buttoned all the way up listening to Liquid State; doors open and small Vans™ with a tropical fish design attached to red cotton leggings step in. One foot stamps down on a discarded newspaper and then step swish step swish step swish over to me. The feet then turn the paper right side up and open the first page without picking the newspaper up off the floor. After two deft page turns by feet I gotta look up. She’s a short haired petite Chinese woman in a beanie and small coat and, yes, she does have arms and they are both supporting a tall (not the Starbucks drink size but the old fashioned adjective) paper tea cup with a green and red snowflake design. At the next stop the seats to the left of us open up and, step swish step swish step swish, occupies them. I guess she didn’t like me blogging about here in the future. She continues to read the paper on the floor hunched over the chair and she aint letting go of that tea cup for nothin’. My stop comes and as I’m walking out she gives a loud short “YIP!” for everyone to hear.

Best Dream EVER: The Pig-Eared Baby Alligator

(We were talking about dreams at a party and even though this one is close to 15 years old now, I still haven’t had one come close to this one in terms of content, strangeness and clarity.)

Scene 1

It started in a package sorting building where I worked for UPS at the Oakland Airport. Inside were three platforms with conveyer belts. Usually an assortment of delivery trucks or air cargo containers were parked next to the middle platform but today the building was empty of all vehicles. I saw my crew standing on the middle platform wearing rain gear so I stepped up to ask Mike N. what was going on.

“We’re waiting for the boat.”

“Boat?”

I looked around to find the building was filled with water that wasn’t there when I walked in. Mike N. pointed and a flat pale blue plastic boat with enough room for all five of us pulled up to the platform.

Scene 2
We were floating down Main Street in my home town of Benicia. Main Street had basically become a river with debris covered land on each side. On the east side I recognized Ann P. from High School whom I hadn’t seen for about 7 years. She was cheerfully distributing lunch boxes to victims of the flood. I waved and she stepped away from the group to come talk to me.

“Hey S., long time no see.”

“It’s good to see you. How’s your brother doing?”

“I’m sure he’s doing fine.”

“I guess we’re here to help, where do you need us?”

“Nothing much left to do today, just relax.” Ann walked back up to continue her work.

We docked the boat on an elevated grassy area and walked to the top. The other side of the hill descended into another flood-made river starting with a circular pool below us and extending south. A few tall dark buildings loomed in front of us on both sides of the river. The sun came out and we all threw off hooded raincoats and stretched with the satisfaction of hard work. From behind us a school of strange fist sized black fish hopped quite efficiently on their bellies and before getting a good look they hopped down this hill and dove into the river in front of us. The crew exchanged surprised looks of wonder. An unspoken agreement came over all our faces as if to say “let’s go for it!” Our aches of work left us as we all stripped down nude and jumped in to chase the fish.

The black fish jumped in and out of the water as they swam forward. The dark buildings on each side gave way to shorter light brown buildings. The fish increased their lead as they swam under low bridges. As we swam further, the buildings on each side grew into a single apartment complex structure with a series of bridges crossing the river to connect them. The structures were generally boxy and straight but were constructed from high quality stained wood in a variety of shades, darkest around the edges. Of the original crew, only Mike N. and I remained and I got the feeling that this was his home and it was a place he had told me about so I was curious to check it out.

Scene 3

I walked around the internal maze of the complex. It was much like a hospital but not as sterile; all the light was natural sunlight and everything was well crafted out of natural materials. We were in clean comfortable clothes now and Mike’s wife, a fit and curvy woman with long brown hair wearing a light purple sun dress, came to take him home. I explored further and found that at regular intervals the hallways opened up into research areas where people worked cheerfully. Most research tables had a single plant on them each with different qualities; one with green bulbs reaching up toward the sun roof, another a dark purple mass contained in a tall square aquarium. It became clear that everyone lived and worked here in cheerful wonder and I was treated as a welcome guest. The end of the next hallway opened into a hub of activity and one exhibit attracted the biggest crowd. I overheard someone say that everyone was here to see the “Pig-eared Baby Alligator.” I heard the name a few more times as the crowd parted for me to get a look.

Sitting at the side of a shiny wooden table, was not so much a baby alligator but more like a human baby with alligator qualities. He was about twice the size of a healthy three month old infant but with the same head to body ratio, maybe a bit bigger head. His skin was green and scaly and his ears were large but disappointingly just like human ears. Although he had the look and proportions of an infant, he had no trouble sitting up and looking around at the visitors. The Pig-eared Baby Alligator had large black shiny eyes with no whites at all and his mouth was like the ball shape of a chimpanzee’s but less flexible and with fangs on each side of the bottom lip. There was something terribly charismatic about this creature and everyone around seemed to be enamored with him and eager to hear what he had to say. He turned those black eyes toward me and in a deep male voice that reverberated in my head and chest said: “you were a seagull in your former life.” I chuckled nervously and spoke to him as if I was humoring a child. “Oh is that so? So what am I in this life?”

“You are nothing.”

His words were full of emphasis but it wasn’t a shout. It was loud and clear as if he was speaking from inside my head and as the dream vision went black, I felt myself dissolve and expand into dark oblivion. The next moment I was wide awake.

San Francisco Moment 2

This might be more of a 21st century moment in that it’s probably more ubiquitous in space but not so much in time. I was feeling icky on this day so I was going in late to work waiting at the bus stop at around 11:30 on a Friday. Groggy as I was, I forgot headphones so I had an ipod in the backpack but no way to connect it to my head. I’d grown so used to the constant chatter of podcasts’ news/education/infotainment and occasional music that I felt a bit off standing there with just the wind. I thought this might be a nice chance to listen to the sounds of the neighborhood, appreciate the bits of nature dispersed throughout the city and. . . nah, I really wanted my headphones the lack of other voices in my head was making me edgy. Then I heard and “excuse me!” the kind of excuse me that precedes “commin’ through.”

A six foot human male with brown hair wearing grey nylon jogging shorts, matching shirt and grey and black headphones attached to a content delivery mechanism that I couldn’t see (wait for the verb) was quickly jogging down the hill and pushing a three wheeled sports baby carriage. You know the kind of carriage; handle bars, inflatable tires, encased in flashy REI nylon (couldn’t tell if the kid had a blue ray display inside, wasn’t a lot of space so he probably just had on demand with a wireless connection). This may not have seemed all that unusual but I found it interesting because if you turn the clock back 30+ years, well to the time traveling 1950s native this would look all kinds of strange. First of all, it’s a man pushing a baby around by himself. Second, it’s a man who has the free time to push a baby around on a weekday so he either works from home or has vacation time and wouldn’t that be an odd way to spend vacation time? But the big thing I chose to notice was all the multi-tasking. He is not content sitting at home and listening to audio content. Neither is he content taking the baby for a stroll. And think of all the time he would be wasting if he just went for a jog; not our 21st century man. No, He’s jogging while receiving his content and taking the baby for a brisk stroll. I bet this slacker probably had a dog at home too that would have loved to have been going for a run and he had a hand free that could have been texting but he was in his 30s so three things was probably enough for him. So he jogged down to the flat part of the hill, turned the sports baby carriage to face him and held onto the sides for a lunge stretch while making faces at the baby. If you just stretch you’re missing a golden opportunity to play with your toddler while receiving content through your headphones. I wish I had the omnipresence to know what was in those headphones because it could have been stock reports or an audio book which would have added more layers of complexity but for all I know it was the best of Hootie and the Blowfish. Who has time for music anymore? Crap, what am I gonna do for a whole day without headphones.

San Francisco Moment 1

I slip into the busy bright BART train at the last second before the door closes.  No seats so I hold on and settle in for the ride when I am shocked into wakefulness but an unearthly amazing voice.  I know amazing can be taken lots of ways, so let me add that it was not a smooth and lyrical songbird or an exotic compelling foreign accent.  Think of the shock more like someone sneaking up behind you and splitting open the sidewalk with a jackhammer.  This guy’s voice made Louis Armstrong sound like Enya.  I look around wide eyed at the other passengers as if you say: “are you hearing this too?”   A few seats over, the source was a giant bald African American man.  A head that could have easily weighed 80 pounds swayed above a flaring parka that spanned two seats; think Michael Clarke Duncan but not as “dainty.”  There was an eager silence and he spoke again and I could swear that he was gargling rocks, not the tiny gravel of a fish tank but the small stones often used in a garden where a handful is no more than four. If only I had a recording device!  Then I remembered my blackberry; it would have to do.  I moved as close as I could and pretended to be really into reading something on my blackberry and hit the “send voice note” application.  Part of me wanted to have a microphone and just ask him: “What do you think about everything!” just to see how long I could withstand the assault on my ears that was both terrifying and sublime in its pure. . . I can’t even think of a word but the image of magma creatures howling deep in the belly of the earth comes to mind.  The recording doesn’t do him justice but he makes and appearance both in the middle and the end of the recording as he offers advice to a buddy who’s headed to the hospital. (see link below)

Gravel Man

Pain, Pills, and Pupils

            She calls out to me, her eyes wide with pain and fear.  Before sleep she was in pain from the accident but something has changed since then.  I helplessly pepper her with suggestions: ice, heat, sleep sitting up?  She calls to her mother who passed in recent years.  She calls to any gods who have ears.  I may look still but so do sprinters on the starting blocks.  She gives the word and we’re off to the emergency room; the nice one that we took her boss’s wife to at a similarly late hour; it may be a bit farther a way but the time will be more than made up with a shorter wait.  It seems this ER is a well kept secret in a big city, or at least it is at 2am.  The transmission works twice as hard to move from stop sign to stop sign and makes a strange whistling sound.  The car wants to quit on us, that’s all I need.  Park-up the ramp-on the shiny dark wood floors to the lady.  Nice lady; good.  We don’t even sit down when baldish peach fuzz head in a Hawaiian shirt calls: “Tir. . . Thira. . .”  “That’s her,” comes out of my mouth in synch with her “That’s me.”  I’m at a point where I recognize the silence before someone tries to read her name.  He talks about her pretty name and is nice to her, good.  Then she’s gone and I’m in the land of podcasts and late night horror movies. 

 

Later Vincent price and a plain clothes cop are looking at a tiny fly with a human head calling ‘heeelp meeee’ from a spider web.  She comes out with papers and a new bracelet with her name on it and they have given her some pills.  She tells me she has whiplash.  Seems whiplash can show up well after the accident.  Nothing broken and we’re on our way back home.  She starts talking about liquid balance beams and the wonders of fish.  With and accompanying nod for each word she tells me: “People, eat, fish.” 

 

“Yes, people and bears and other fish.”

 

“Bears.” She giggles.

 

They gave her good pills.  Very good.  Help her out of the car and she’s awake again and on the bed within 12 minutes the fear and pain are back.  “It’s not working!”  I know she would be would be way too embarrassed to go back to the same emergency room but the pain doesn’t care about any of that.  Same trip, same struggling transmission, same nice lady but this time Hawaii Peach Fuzz is a bit cold.  You just jumped lists buddy.  This time I’m watching hulk get he with sonic cannons on my ipod when a nurse calls me in to see her.  She’s laying on a shiny bed under the bright lights in a wall to wall equipment and medical stuff room with an I.V.  in her arm.  She seems out cold but her eyes flicker to life when I get close and her fingers ask for me.  I hold her hand.  “Good stuff eh?”  “It’s odd, it’s a bit like. . . WHOOOOM (That’s the sound of something in the morphine family hitting her. It doesn’t actually make a sound but it’s just that clear that something is different now).  She went from sleepy eyes one instant, then blink, then pupils open so big that all the light that isn’t nailed down is falling in.  And I know she’s going to be ok for a while.  Bless all the gods who have ears for good drugs.

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